well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
