the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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