the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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