i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The air taste purple.
Randomize
