I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
