You can't special order awesome
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
