Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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