I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
