Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
