I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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