He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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