I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
