morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
