wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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