The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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