well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
