so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
