I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
