the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
