So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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