dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
