I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
