i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
