apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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