how can u be prego again
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
