she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
