Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
