I feel like abortions should bother me more
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
