Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
