That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
