last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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