You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
