I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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