it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
