I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
