then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
