i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
