Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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