That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
