I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
