Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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