he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
love makes seman taste better
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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