Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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