the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize