Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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