if you like me you must not know who I am
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
