Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
