Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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