if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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