I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
