from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize