No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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