what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
