it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
