She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
