He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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