I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
