Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
