Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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