"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
