dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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