Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
