i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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