True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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