Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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