what day is it and did you see me today?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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