Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We have so much sex to catch up on
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
