We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
